9 weeks vs 29 weeks
I think it is about time I do a pregnancy update here, no? Today we hit 36 weeks! Or rather 36 weeks hit me.
I am very large, very pregnant, and very tired.
Since I was a bigger girl before I got pregnant my doctor and the dietician both said I should be looking at gaining only about 10 lbs. I have gained about 5 so far but I am getting quite large. Clothing has been an issue for a while, I got that pretty much sorted out thanks to some borrowed clothes but now those hardly fit. Not quite sure what I am going to do, you all might have to put up with me walking around with nothing on at this point.
This whole pregnancy has felt like a life time. It has just dragged on up until recently. Now, I am in panic mode. I am so close to being done and this little one will be here before I know it. Really though, 37 weeks is term and that is in a week. I can also officially say I am due this month! I am really excited to hold our new little love but I, regardless of all the pains and issues, like being pregnant. I love the kicks and movement and everything that comes with all of that. I miss it when it is gone and it will soon be gone. Plus, I am getting anxious about labour and birth again now that it is in sight.
No help to some of my own issues (which I will talk about once I find the way I want to get this out) and my low iron I am incredibly tired. I have been exhausted the whole pregnancy but I am to the point where it is hard to do anything. Not only that but I am not sleeping much despite being so tired. I have trouble being able to fall asleep or staying asleep. It is difficult to get comfortable in general but sleeping only on your sides is very painful; things no one tells you about pregnancy, eh?
The last few months has been hectic for us as well. On top of the holidays and our son’s third birthday I have had a couple of problems. At 25 weeks, I ended up in labour and delivery triage to be checked out for contractions a few minutes apart. They checked everything out and were not concerned since the same thing happened with our first but I still carried him to full term (40 weeks). I also got to register for the hospital that week which was exciting to do again.
A few weeks later I did the glucose test which I passed, obviously great news! Let’s face it we all know I would not do well on a restricted diet. I need my junk and carbs, sometimes it is all I can live on these days. I was picky before I got pregnant but this pregnancy food aversions, heart burn, and nausea have been around the entire time. With my first I did not have any issues surrounding food or eating.
At about 28 weeks, my doctor sent me for an ultrasound to do a biophysical profile on baby because I had not been feeling as much movement. They also checked cervical length and his growth to make sure everything was looking good. I was still getting some contractions but mostly just dealing with a lot of cramping and losing some mucus plug. Everything came back fine with that ultrasound.
At about 30 or almost 31 weeks, I ended up being sent to Labour and Delivery Triage again but this time by my doctor from his office. I had been having some spotting, cramping, and losing a lot of plug along with baby not being very active again. He sent me in for them to monitor me and baby, do an ultrasound, a cervical check, and a fetal fibronectin test that would tell them if I was going in to preterm labour.
Ultrasound looked good, everything they monitored was great, they could not find a reason for the bleeding, I am about a cm dilated, and the test came back negative for pre-term labour.
A week or so later the spotting started again and I was losing large pieces of plug. My doctor was not concerned and he says it is normal to be dilate a bit at that point with subsequent pregnancies.
Everything is looking good regardless of those few hiccups. This pregnancy (although still faced with issues like the subchorionic hematoma well into the second trimester) has gone a lot more smoothly than my first. I am thankful for that. The only thing I need to double check now is that the placenta is away from the cervix enough for a safe vaginal delivery since it was slightly too close to it a little while ago. Aside from that it is just the waiting game for labour to start from now.
Little Mr is excited about baby and often tells me that he loves this little one. It is quite sweet. I cannot wait to see them together.
Big brother checking out the bump
I think this was a good brief overview of what has been going on lately. I will also update on the YouTube channel in the next couple days. For now, I just wanted to let you all know I am still pregnant, 36 weeks to be exact and I am still here just struggling to be as present as I would like and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our newest tiny human to the family.
I did not think I could love more than I already do but magically, my heart grew big enough for two.
Were you aware that monsters main source of nourishment comes from grass. Also, did you know there is an Apparently a Mom Youtube Channel?
I am new to feminism in the sense that I have never thought about my beliefs or perspective as being a movement with a label. I have always just considered myself a person who believed in equality and stood up to social injustice. I wanted to make a difference, I still do. Most of my post-secondary schooling is in the field of social work. It was not until the birth of my son did I have what people might call my feminist awakening. I realized that there was in fact a label to what I stood for. There was a name for the injustice I encountered more often than I would like to admit.
As I have embarked more consciously on my feminist journey in the past year I have found myself in an interesting spot. I seem to have become more aware of my perspective and more inclined to act upon on it now that I have a child. Bringing a life into this world was a journey in itself but I now find that I am riding a slippery slope I did not realize was there. I am the mother of a boy which has coincidentally made me a more mindful feminist.
Like any good parent I try to watch what I say or do in front of my child. I want to set the right examples and hope that I am making the right decisions. It is not as easy as some parents make it look, believe me. While parenting my son I have learned more about myself in this past year than I have in all of my twenty-three years on this planet. It was suddenly too easy to see my faults, quirks, insecurities, and societal boundaries embedded in me. I am sure much of what I realized was in part due to the anxiety issues I struggled with more predominantly postpartum or maybe it all just made me more cynical.
I opened my eyes to many things in the short time my son has been here. One of the many issues I have been more aware of recently is the very real problem our society seems to have with gender roles. I am not sure if the reactions or thought processes I had were normal in the sense that the majority of parents with sons have them or I am one of the few. I found myself getting increasingly annoyed with blue clothing and people questioning my child’s gender like it made a difference. Apparently people need to know so they can fit you in a box, even before you are a year old. The problem with boxes is that not everything is perfectly square. In fact, I would wager that most things are not.
There is only so much you can do at home but I will do my best to encourage my child to be true to himself regardless of the messages he will get elsewhere. It is so wrong to place these constraints on children. I am tired of feeling a little guilty when I walk in to the “girl’s section” in the toy department to buy my son something he will enjoy. Why should I? It pains me to know that one day he may be made fun of or told he is wrong for liking the color pink, wanting to cook, or playing with a baby doll if that is what he chooses to do. It bothers me that one day it will not be okay for my son to show that he is hurting but the little girl next door will be consoled and reassured. The last I checked we are all humans and some of the most human qualities are to have feelings, opinions, and choices and to be able to act on them. In my ideal world people would just be people; there would be no glass ceiling, rape, gender roles, or prejudices. Unfortunately, we do not live in such a world and that is why I will do what I can in my own home. I do not want my child to grow up feeling like he needs to conform to the limited view of masculinity that we have. Being the parent of a son in a masculine society has made me be more aware of what I say and how I say it, not only to my son but to everyone.
And this is why I have compiled a list of things I will not say to my son:
- “Man up”- This goes right along with sayings like “grow a pair”. Everyone’s feelings are valid and should be acknowledged. Courage does not come from having testicles neither does being a leader. Setting an impossible standard of “masculinity” that every male needs to live up to is plain silly.
- “Don’t cry/ Crying is for ‘pussies’”- Since when does having a vagina mean you are the only one that is allowed to cry or show your emotions? When we are hurting it is a natural reaction to cry. It is a stress reliever and a coping mechanism. Why on earth should that be gender specific? Humans have the ability to do this, humans have feelings, and every feeling is valid.
- “No, that is a girl’s…. “- Whatever. I will not tell my son he cannot do or have anything because it is not for boys. That is just ridiculous, sexes do not own rights to colors, toys, activities, hobbies, or fashion.
- “Boys will be Boys”- I will not give my son an excuse to misbehave. There is no old boys club in my home and I expect my son to respect others no matter where he is. I will encourage my son to be inclusive. Men should not get away with acting inappropriately because of their genitals, neither should women.
My son discovered his feet a couple of weeks ago. Naturally, he has not stopped playing with them since. Have you ever looked in to a baby’s eyes the moment they discover something new? There is a spark, a light, in their eyes that was not there before. You can almost see them learning. If you have not experienced this, I hope that one day you are able to. I have been lucky enough to see those exact moments twice now. The first time he realized he had hands and the second, his feet. You know that feeling you get when you come to a realization? It just washes over you. I imagine that is how babies feel when they figure out that those funny little wiggly toes belong to them.
It is so simple, so natural, and so perfect. I am not sure what will come next. I imagine getting up on his hands and knees since he already rolls all over the place and scoot around on his stomach. The days go by so fast, although they can seem so long.
I admire him often, it has been rewarding and enlightening to watch him grow every day. I try to take it all in and adapt some of that lost child like magic in my life- like, when ten little fingers meet ten little toes and there is nothing more needed in the world.